Do you remember any books you read from the 5th grade? Maybe it was a Choose Your Own Adventure tale, 101 Ways to Eat Fried Worms, or the one about a Lion, a Witch, and a Wardrobe. The one that immediately comes to my mind?
How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. My dad knew my intimate knowledge of Star Wars would only get me so far in life, so he made me read this book with no pictures.
Carnegie, the sensei of sales, said If you want to have friends, and success in life, simply get people talking about their favorite subject – themselves. It’s not bad advice for husbands.
Peter, one of the first followers of Jesus, an accomplished fisherman, writer of Scripture, and married, wrote, “Live with your wives in an understanding way…” We may never completely understand the woman we live with, but this month at UNCOMMEN we are making at attempt to live in an understanding way.
After you’ve been married for a few years it’s easy to move from investigative journalist to anchorman. Anchormen simply report what’s happening during the day, journalists seek to understand the person their interviewing.
When marriage is made up of two anchors, it can weigh your relationship down. You get home, report on your day, and then binge watch Netflix. I’m sure that’s not what you had in mind when you said, “I do.”
Let’s be honest, most of us have about two questions in us after work, “How was your day?” and “What should we eat for dinner?”
So I channeled my inner Carnegie and asked a bunch of women on Facebook how we husbands can be more investigative.
One woman wrote, “I think women crave sincerity and want to go beyond the surface of ‘How was your day?’ Get specific and wait around for the answer.”
You don’t have to be smarter than a 5th grader to win and influence your wife – you just need a few well placed questions.
Bible Reference: Ephesians 4:2-3: “With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”
By UNCOMMEN Coach and Sr. Creative Director at FamilyLife, Brian Goins. www.catapultconcepts.org
We are both Christian’s. Seperrated 10 months and have three grown children. Confused to why we have failed in staying married and unsure of what future holds.
Michael, thank you for sharing your situation with us. We’ve seen this happen to couples later in life and the empty nest triggers issues. You may want to watch our most recent video on Marriage Counseling – https://www.facebook.com/uncommen/videos/526387374874069/UzpfSTM2Mzc2MTk5MDM3ODY3NzpWSzo0MjMxODMwNDg2MzA3OTQ/
We’ll be praying for you and your wife.
My wife is extremely depressed, has lost sight on her relationship with the lord, we have one toddler, and have been married two and a half years. She’s considering leaving; in her mind she believes this will help our relationship and our son.
Greetings,
Carnegie, the sensei of sales, said If you want to have friends, and success in life, simply get people talking about their favorite subject – themselves. It’s not bad advice for husbands. This is a great quote. As my wife and I work through better communication, she says she doesn’t just want to talk about herself, she wants me to pursue her and ask her questions about what she is thinking, what she is feeing, what excites her and etc. we, husbands, have to be engaged, not only good listeners.