“How long has it been since we…”

Has your wife ever started with those words and you knew what was coming next? Just once you you hoped she continued with:

“…invited the guys over for beverages around a bonfire?“

“…revisited the idea of converting the basement into a man-cave?“

“…checked the budget to see if we could do season tickets this year?”

But you know the five words that follow: “gone out on a date.“

If you‘re like me you have heard the all too common advice about “date night.” Pastors preach it from the pulpit. Marriage counselors suggest it from the couch. Even your mom says, “If you don‘t date your wife, someone else will!”

Our problem isn‘t that we don‘t know what to do, we just get out of the habit and let the urgent box out the necessary.

If you and I don‘t calendar our companionship, it won‘t happen. Back in the pre-ankle biter days, Jen and I would spontaneously go out for a weekend trip, or grab lunch, or take a walk in the city. In a typical week with three soccer games, two volleyball practices, music lessons, two day business trip, and church small group, the calendar doesn‘t have a great amount of white space. If I‘m depending on spontaneous romance at this stage of life, then I‘ll continue to hear my wife spontaneously say,

“How long has it been since we…”

It doesn‘t require a Masters in marriage therapy to know that what I put on my calendar usually gets accomplished and my wife feels cherished, pursued, and like a priority when I schedule time with her. And she‘s not expecting a steak house dinner and spa visit every week either. I‘ve found she loves it when I escort her to the back deck with a cup of coffee in the morning or glass of wine after the kids are down at night and hear about what‘s happening in her life.

If I calendar my companionship with Jen, maybe next time I hear her say, “How long has it been since we…”

She‘ll follow it with, “…talked about installing a hot tub and flat screen on the porch?“

Bible Reference: Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,

Written by UNCOMMEN coach, Brian Goins, a somewhat intentional husband, dad, and author of Playing Hurt: A Guya>‘s Strategy for a Winning Marriage.